Everything will be 'OKAY'.

I am a kind of person who hardly writes about such issues and shares what I feel on social media but since I am trying really hard but still can't stop thinking about Sushant Singh Rajput's suicide news..here I am writing this blog. 
Since three days I cannot stop myself from thinking about him...I don't know why I am not able to get over him..he has been on my mind since past 3 days now and the more I am trying to divert my mind the more of his pictures and videos are out on social media and I am just not able to stop myself from watching them...it is so hard to believe that such a beautiful human being is no more... initially I couldn't believe that this is true but certainly I had to and now it feels like a great personal loss to me.
It's not just me rather the whole nation is thrilled with the news. Seems like everyone can feel his pain and we all wish we were there with him in his bad times.
I tried and I am still trying yo justify why he did so but somehow I am not able to...he was supposed to be with us..to be in the industry..get recognition for his hard work. He was just not suppose to die. 
Just wondering how hard it must be for him to take this step having everything but just not the peace of mind. The more I watch his videos and pictures I just look at his eyes..God....they were extremely magical and full of pain like they were trying to express something but couldn't. I look at his smile...it was too beautiful for words, hiding a lot of pain behind.
Before taking such a step don't know many times he must have already died inside.
He was so young so so much talented, full of life, a person who was into books, sports, science, had the urge to know everything about the universe, who was well educated, always helpful towards others, caring for his close ones but it's so sad that none of the human could help him..no one could listen to him or understand him.
Though I was never a fan of SSR but being a fan of MS Dhoni I turned up being his fan as well after watching his work.
It is so true that people love you more when you are gone. 
Its my gut feeling that it wasn't just the professional problems that made him take such step but surely there was something else. He looked happy but he was not. 
This happens with so many of us right? So many times. May be I am able to relate more with this news because I've also gone through such phase in my life and I know what depression and loneliness feels like. I know how you feel when you have hundreds of people around but you're still alone...On the outside you're smiling but on the inside it kills you every damn second...you want to talk to someone but then you just can't due the many different reasons. No body understands because they are not in your place...You feel nobody is yours and you just can't trust anyone.
I have gone through this phase when I was all alone...I had my family, friends, cousins and lover too but I knew nobody will understand me . So I never talked to anyone...what more they would tell me rather than 'sab sahi ho jaega'  which I already knew..that dark days are eventually gonna end.. that's the only thing I believed in and survived that phase. 
There were times I use to restlessly find a place where I could be alone and cry my heart out. I couldn't sit with people around me. Little things made me cry..for no reason I use to cry and cry like babies. No one knew how they're hurting me without intending to do that. I stopped talking to people but was always smiling. No body knew there was something killing me from inside...I too had suicidal thoughts like every depressed person but I made myself understand that every will be alright one day. I use to roll on floor and cry..that phase was too hard to pass...I use to take sleeping pills sometimes because I couldn't sleep at nights..but the thing was I understood that what I was going through...I understood that it was depression...And that was the time I thought of recovering it. I stood strong and didn't give a fuck about anything or anyone. Sometimes I also wanted to take medical help... wanted to go to the psychiatrist but I did not.. All I did was talking to Allah...I shared every thing with Him and no one else...I am still in a habit of talking to Him and sharing my sillliest problems with Him...though He is aware of what I go through..He knows it even before I do...but still talking to your God is the best remedy.
Slowly and gradually  that phase too passed like every other thing and person. It made me stronger,  firmer and more responsible.
It made me more kind and little more sensitive towards society and people, may be that's why today I am not able to get over the news of SSR because I can understand what he must have gone through. 
When a person is not materialistic he cannot be happy with  just money other worldly things... ofcourse that is important and is a part of life but being a human being we all want care, affection, love and respect.
All those people sharing posts like 'be kind' , 'I am always there' and so need to understand if a person will feel low, if a person will be depressed he or she will not come to you. It's about understanding the feelings of people which no one actually does. Before judging others...before making fun of them...before telling them they are boring..just try to understand that if the person is smiling it does not mean s/he is actually happy. The least thing you can do is not judge them for their behaviour. If you can't help them atleast don't increase the social pressure on them.
I've been with my friends in this phase but no body understood what I was going through just because I never opened up and kept smiling...and they thought I am just boring...going through my phone all they found was the screenshots of sad posts and it was a matter of fun for them... and today they're posting that if you need to talk them text me...like why bro? Why would anyone talk to you if they know that all they will become for you is joke! I wasn't myself for years and no one noticed. 
They might be your best friend and not understand you but they might be a random person but get in minutes what you are going through so it's not always the span of time you spent...it's the quality of thoughts.
In the end I would just say the mantra that brought me back to life was 'every thing will be okay'. I stuck to it and that phase passed away...yes it took time..a lot of time may be and a lot more patience but now every thing is fine. Time passes and heals everything. Believe in yourself.. beleive in God. When no one is there just talk to him... there's no one who could help you out but Him..no one will listen but He will.. and He is never going to burden you more than you can take it.
I just wish I could turn the time back. I wish SSR was still alive and would have not taken this kind of step. I wish we all can watch more of his work. But sadly he is not with us any more but has made us all learn many things. I wish and pray that now he is in a better place and a happy place which he deserved.
Lastly I would conclude by saying that everything will get fine...it gets fine...just beleive in God and your self...if something is bothering you..just know...there's your family behind you. You have loved ones and they all care for you. You have to face the problems and stand strong.
Everything will be okay.
#Saherwrites
Saher Altaf